pity party?

IMG_7281It's been over 7 months since our lives were flipped upside down. Just thinking about that day makes my heart feel like it is being ripped out of my chest again. How long does the healing process last?

Should I be "getting over it" by now?

Should we be "moving on?"

What does that even look like?

Women everywhere are having babies, announcing their pregnancies, and taking baby bump pics. When I see these things, I'm not going to lie.... it stings. It's hard. I am happy for all of these families. I really am. But even more, I'm sad for myself and my family.

Life is moving forward around me and at times, I feel like I'm watching from the sidelines.

This summer, I was invited to a few baby showers for good friends of mine.  As I was talking about them with my sister, I told her I thought I needed to be selfish, that it might be too hard to go.

"It feels a lot easier to just have a pity party for myself." I said.  What she said next was one of the wisest things she's ever said to me.

"Totally understandable," she said  "You can have a pity party just don't let it last too long. In fact, I think there's a role for pity parties in a healing process."

Is it a pity party? Or is it part of my healing process? What's the difference? Are they the same thing? How long is "too long?"

It's been 7 months.

I know it's going to take me a lot longer than 7 months to heal from this.

In fact, I don't know if I'll ever be fully healed,

but I do know that I will be different,

changed,

and dare I say...

better.

So pity party or not, it's mine, and it's part of my healing, and it's all a part of the process of life.